History

Once, say, in century 19th, missionaries found this tribe. That year, there was a good harvest of yams, and pigs multiplied well, so, there was no need to eat the missionaries. The missionaries were allowed to live in a hut on the edge of the Cannibal village. The cannibals supplied missionaries with water, food, wood for fire and provided the young girls, who wanted personally compare the tribesmen with the missionaries (who showed the tribe the new position "Missionary"). The presence of the missionaries was peaceful and lasted during centuries; missionaries came and went, replacing each other.

In exchange for such hospitality, missionaries gave cannibals lighters, matches, knives, axes, needles, threads, vidеo cameras, computers.. Also, the missionaries taught the cannibals children to English, arithmetic, physics, and, of course, the Bible stories.

The missions were generously funded by the Catholic, Protestant and Orthodox churches. A lot of new staff appeared in the cannibal tribe: schools, pottery, weaving and sewing industry. The missionaries wanted the cannibals to be dressed - at least in those moments, when the missionaries take pictures, and then mоvies, that they sent to their sponsors as supplementary of the written reports.
The sponsors were happy to see the mоvie clips, in which cannibals make and even wear clothes. Also, the sponsors liked the vidеoproofs, that cannibals practice in the "missionary position". Cannibals quickly realized, that missionaries do not like scenes of coitus in any other position. So, the cannibals carefully selected the records they gave to missionaries. The missionaries and their sponsors got impression, that the cannibals usually wear clothes, and copulate only in combination 'one man with one woman' and only in the missionary position.

In the same way, missionaries were not offered a big pieces of human flesh. The missionaries could not see, even in the mоvies, the battles with neighboring tribes (which were main source of the human meat). Cannibals did not even know the English words for human flesh. The meat they ate had been cut to small pieces; so, the missionaries could not guess its origin; it had been denoted with the same term "pork", as meat of pigs, monkeys or rabbits.

The missionaries told the cannibals not only the Bible, but also the main events on the history of European civilization during the last kiloyears, and, especially, of the last centuries.

Cannibals realized the importance of English. First, as a language to ask gifts from missionaries - knives, lighters, needles, nails, solar panels, smartphones and computers with Internet.

In addition, English happens to be efficient in commerce. Arithmetics and English were used in notes, important for business handling the foreign currency. Some cannibals also learned several Spanish, Portuguese, French, German, Italian, Chinese and even Russian words, becoming polyglots.

Nuts, cassava, yams and the imitation of historic stone tools, as well as vidеotapes (in particular, with traditional, rather than missionary postures) were sold, in exchange for goods, tools and technologies.

Pottery and blacksmith craft developed. The day came, when cannibals forged the first domestic iron tip for a dart. Then - the first domestic knife, the first domestic hammer, the first domestic ax and even the first iron wheel for a wheelbarrow. All from domestic ore. The handicrafts were mastered for the mass production, using the import of technologies.

In exchange for the new mоvies, cannibals had been supplied with many tools. Solar panels, batteries, electric generators, wires, lamps, welding machines, cars (old jeeps), a drilling rig, an oil refinery, turning and milling machines were sold to cannibals. Cannibals have learned to melt plastic and glass trash and make useful items of these.

The missionaries noted some weakening of interest in nails and needles, since all this had already had been manufactuired in local forges.. So, the missionaries focused on theology. The missionaries explained the greatness of God the Father and God the Son, and even God the Spirit.

The cannibals asked whether all Europeans had easy accepted the religion of the missionaries. One of the missionaries talked about the Holy Inquisition. Several rash phrases uttered by the missionaries and provoked an avalanche of questions; in particular, about wars and, especially, about World War I and World War II.

The missionaries were asked about the casualties that Europe suffered in world wars. The missionaries were asked about the concentration camps of the Gulag and Nazi Germany. Cannibals knew arithmetic badly, but they could understand, that the death tall is huge.

The Top Cannibal cautiously asked, how long time did it take, to eat all the soldiers killed in the World War II; wasn't the meat spoiled?

The missionary said, that the dead soldiers were not eaten, but buried in the ground.

The Leader of Cannibals (very brave in hunting and in battles with neighboring tribes) was frightened, but translated the words of the missionary into a local dialect. Cannibals did not believe this. Many of them, in poor English, asked again and again. The missionaries confirmed, that in the world wars, the Europeans killed people in quantities far exceeding their meat needs, and that the dead were not eaten, but buried; even without to extract liver, nor separate the meat from bones.

The missionaries' statements caused resentment of cannibals. Killing people in excess of the need in the fresh meat - it had been interpreted as heaviest evil. In addition, cannibals already learned from the Internet about the overseas ritual of mass destruction of food.

The leader called a meeting.. All cannibals, even those who had fair skin (obviously, white missionaries were their biological fathers, grandfathers or great-grandfathers) recognized the dangers of religion carried by the missionaries.

Religion, which allows to kill people in quantities, that exceed the need for meat, as well as to destroy other food, had been recognized as dangerous. It was noted that this religion leads to bombs, that kill not only soldiers, but even children and women (who can and should be used in a much more important and pleasant way). It was repeated, that this religion would allow the intentional destruction of any food.

Especial outrage had been caused by articles about bombs, that emit neutrons, inducing the secondary radioactivity in the human body, that makes the meat unsuitable for consumption.

Cannibals came to the conclusion, that the root of evil, the barbarity of Europeans is in the statuettes of a man nailed to a cross, distributed by the missionaries. With that primary sin, the European barbarians justify mass murdering of people in quantities exceeding the need for meat, and, in general, the destruction of food.

The question was, what to do with the missionaries. The expulsion had been considered. However, there were fears, that the missionaries return with the warriors, who, in their traditions, would murder cannibals in quantities, that exceeded their meat needs..

The missionaries were killed. Cannibals did not want to become barbarians, so, all the meat of the missionaries was eaten. Their bones were carefully boiled, gnawed, burned and used as fertilizer for cassava and yams.

From communication with the missionaries, cannibals learned important lessons. With the help of jeeps and an self-made heavy-duty trolley, cannibals brought two big fragments of rock from the mountains, placed them on the main square of the village and knocked 10 commandments into them:

1. Try to live peacefully with your neighbors, even if they differ greatly in skin color, language, or customs. Learn the languages, customs and skills of others, even barbarian tribes.

2. Do not steal someone else's property, do not wring out other people's territories, do not lie. Do not destroy food.

4. Do not kill enemies in quantities, that exceed your need for meat.

5. Eat all the dead enemies before to kill new enemies.

6. Do not use a weapon of indiscriminate action, which makes the meat of your enemies inedible.

7. Do not believe those strangers whose statements are contradictory.

8. Use methods, suggested by strangers, only after to test them practically.

9. Think, how would it be possible to refute the statements by outsiders.

10. Even European barbarians and other savages have some technology. Take knowledge of people of other nations, but use them carefully.

Since then, cannibals live as a close society. They accept aliens and even adopt modern technologies. But cannibals remember, that strangers are barbarians, savages, prone to mass murders of humans, in amounts greatly ecceeding their needs in meat. The cannibals kill especially dangerous strangers and eat them, but this is not so popular: cannibals respect the 10 commandments, and never kill people in quantities, that exceed their needs in fresh meat..

Epilogue

Cannibals choose the machine guns. They make the pistons by themselves. They use stainless steal, gold and silver for bullets, but never led. In the internet, the cannibals learned that oxides of led reduce quality of the food, make the meat dangerous for the health.

In order to deal with cannibals, the visitor at very beginning should say:
"Mу tribe and I, we never kill enemies in amount that exceed our needs in fresh meat, and we never destroy food."

Then the cannibals will not eat the visitor; contrary, they consider the visitor as representative of a civilized society and try to help him or her in any possible way. It is important to say the true. If the sentence above is not true, this will be revealed. During few centuries, the cannibals learned well to reveal these cases.

Cannibals have internet, and if some agents of [[KGB]], [[Chepiga and Mishkin]] say, that they are [[Boshirov and Petrov]], or [[Bitner and Isaenko]], they will be split in a few hours.
Maybe the cannibals will keep and even release one of them - that, who confessed first - and let him or her go away. So that this lier tells other liars that it's not good to lie and destroy food. Cannibals have a lot of other food, and they, unlike the agents of [[KGB]], do not kill people in quantities that exceed their needs for fresh meat. They do not destroy food, as the [[barbarian]] societies.

Some cannibal are polyglots, they know a few words in foreign languages. They can utter almost without an accent:

"Кто к нам с [[новичок|новичком]] придёт, от [[новичок|новичка]] и погибнет"

If the newcomer has a bottle that looks like a perfume, then the newcomer will be forced to try this "perfume" in his own body. In this sense, the land of cannibals is not England at all.

References