All is Well that Ends Well

A friend of mine was married to a scold,
To me he came, and all his troubles told.
Said he, "She's like a woman raving mad."
"Alas! my friend", said I, "that's very bad!"
"No, not so bad", said he; "for, with her, true
I had both house and land, and money too."
"That was well," said I;
"No, not so well," said he;
"For I and her own brother
Went to law with one another;
I was cast, the suit was lost,
And every penny went to pay the cost
"That was bad", said I;
"No, not so bad", said he:
"For we agreed that he the house should keep,
And give to me four score of yorkshire sheep
All fat, and fair, and fine, they were to be."
"Well, then," said I, "sure that was well for thee?
"No, not so well", said he;
"For, when the ship I got,
They every one died of the rot."
"That was bad", said I;
"No not so bad", said he;
"For I had thought to scrape the fat
And keep it in an oaken vat;
Then into tallow melt for winter store".
"Well, then", said I, "that's better than before?"
"'Twas not so well", said he;
"For having got a clumsy fellow
To scrape the fat and melt the tallow;
Into the melting fat the fire catches,
And, like brimstone matches
burnt my house to ashes."
That was bad", said I;
"No! not so bad", said he; "for, what is best,
My scolding wife has gone among the rest."

Folklore 

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Все хорошо, что хорошо кончается.

На днях приятель мой зашел ко мне;
Разговорились о его жене.
"Она сварлива", - он признался робко, -
"Страшна, как смертный грех, 
глупа, как пробка.
Друг, не женись! Жена - большое зло."
"Да, старина, тебе не повезло."
"Ну, не скажи. За ней" - он продолжал, 
-"Приданое я неплохое взял:
Машина, мебель, деньги, дом и дача."
"Тогда, мой друг, все выглядит иначе;
Я за тебя, признаться, очень рад."
"Не торопись, ее мерзавец брат, 
Отпетый негодяй, мошенник, плут;
Он на меня и тестя подал в суд;
Упек папашу в сумасшедший дом 
И завладел, подлец, моим добром."
"Да, тут тебе не повезло, мой друг."
"Ну, не совсем", - он оживился вдруг.
"Братишка, малый, в целом, благородный,
Домишко присмотрел, причем доходный;
В нем поселил меня, жену и тещу
И подарил еще ореховую рощу."
"Ну что ж, в семейной жизни есть утехи,
Сиди себе теперь, грызи орехи."
"Да я б и грыз," - он согласился сухо, 
"Но печь пирог надумала старуха
С орехами и печку разожгла,
Пока пекла, весь дом сгорел дотла."

"Эх, кореш !", - говорю ему со вздохом, -
"Судьбу не переспоришь, дело плохо".
"Смотри на вещи проще, старина, 
Сгорели ведь и теща, и жена!"

VG, 1978